Long story short, I found someone else to take her (I didnt want to just surrender her to the humane association and never see her again. I selfishly wanted to stay in her life). Well, I found the perfect person for her, a retired man that lived near by. Well, she ended up jumping out of his car window, and she died when a car hit her.
I am so blaming myself right now......major guilt trip. I took stress out on her from my school/ job by yelling at her (and spanking her twice out of anger), the first family I found didnt want her, and now this.....any thoughts.
How do I live with this? I came from an abusive house-hold, and I fear I might end up like my parents.....I know it is a dog, but it was like being a parent, which I was not ready for. I enrolled in counseling after I spanked her and been reading anger management books....but can't get over the guilt of this tragedy.....help....does this make me a bad person?
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It is not your fault.
It wasn't right for you to get a dog when it sounds like you're very busy, but you tried to do the right thing. A lot of people would have just kept the dog and neglected her, you did the right thing when you realized that you couldn't care for her and tried to find her a better home.
What happened to her is very sad and unfortunate, but you won't get anywhere by blaming yourself.
We all take stress out on our dogs once in a while. We're busy or stressed out, and our pet wants something. Our pets don't understand that we're busy and can't spend our time on them, and they just want some attention. It's not right, but just like snapping at your friends and family sometimes--it's hard not to do.
You should definitely learn from this. When you buy a dog, you're accepting enormous responsibility. Your dog can't take him/herself for a walk, can't feed him/herself, etc.
You've made mistakes, but the fact that you are worried about it, and how you behaved after you realized that you can't care for your dog makes you a GOOD person. You made an initial wrong choice, but the right choices after that. I'm currently on my third dog (had dogs since I was 8, 24 now), and this is the first dog that I make a serious effort to treat right. I've always loved my dogs, but haven't always been able to do the right thing when stressed out or when the dog misbehaves. Sadly, it takes experience (or I suppose parents that know how to do it right AND know how to teach you to do the same). Learning to raise a dog right is like learning to get a relationship right--you'll fail a few times (or sometimes many times) before you learn to do things right.
It's good that you enrolled in counseling, that was the right choice too. If you're afraid that you may have anger or self-control problems, it's best to see a psychologist. You're being proactive about the problem rather than just hoping.
Like anyone, you've made mistakes, but you're not a bad person. Learn from your mistakes, and put your whole heart and soul into making the most of your therapy--it can help a lot if you work on it.
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- hun i am sorry to hear about the dog but she wasnt yours anymore..the other guy is responsible for his actions. dont make it hard on yourslef. at least you did your best.
mourn her but dont get drpessed when u can handle a dog again get another one. - I'm sorry for your loss, but please don't blame yourself. I really think you done the best you can do. It was just her time to go. Don't blame yourself, good luck.
- u should not have a dog if u cant handle ur stress that dog had no fault in ur school and work stress
if u werent ready for it y get one - it's not your fault
ps you should never have the window down so far the dog can get out - Of course you're not a bad person. You wanted the very best for your baby girl. Taking our frustrations out on the nearest person or animal is human nature, but how far it goes is within your hands. If you've learned from this incident, then you will know what to do next. Guilt and blame are things we feel whenever we lose any animals to rainbow bridge. We all feel those, you are not alone! Sadness is what really sets in first, then the guilt. All the shoulda, coulda, woulda thoughts don't do a bit of good for our sanity all it does is stress us out more. There is nothing you can do to bring her back. You put her in good hands, although he made a bad decision, therefore having nothing to do with you. Say to yourself I did the right thing for her, and then tell yourself you have done everything in your power to make the situation better. Don't babble over the petty things, thinking and rethinking about spanking her will only make you more upset. It's over. Don't dwell on negative, guilty feelings; they lead to inappropriate levels of shame and self-loathing. Recognize that nobody's perfect and we all make mistakes, and this is one you will not repeat. Engage in activities that are positive and affirming, and where you have opportunities to do good; allow yourself to see how the same mistake that made you feel guilty has now resulted in your being a better, more conscientious person.
- If any of us reading what you wrote think we can throw stones at you because we have never made a mistake.....
I carry guilt over how I treated some of my animals when I was very young, 30 years ago.
The way I deal with it is to rescue/adopt and foster.
The way you need to deal with it is a personal decision.
I would suggest more counseling and find an 'out' for your guilt.
I will not tell say you should not feel guilty. Just find a way to let it out. - You feel guilty for spanking your dog, but you didn't cause it's death. My brother had a dog I gave him for 6 years. He loved him to death. Last summer he took him up north on vacation. His dog was in the back seat and rolled his head up in the window when he stepped on the arm rest. My brother felt so bad. His wonderful dog died on his way to a vacation. I am sure you did what was write for your pet. And I am so sorry for your loss.
- Hi
Sounds like you have probably learned from your experiences. You will likely make a Great dog owner in the future, when the circumstances are right. Trying to do what you felt best for the dog, is a good attribute, but doing so to keep the dog in your life is selfish. The fact that the dog jumped out the window, is not your fault.
In the meantime, perhaps you can help to educate others. Maybe even volunteer some of your time at a shelter. It's a learning experience.
Best of luck,
Rebel
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