I told him that I would like a dog that is well-trained.
It also irritates me day in and day out to see my husband interacting with the dog in a way that trainers and experts advise against, such as baby-talking the dog, petting and stroking it constantly, and petting it and feeding it on-demand. It causes me to be annoyed for a good chunk of my day! Because I understand dog psychology and dog training, and he wants to live in a fantasy world where he anthropomorphizes the dog. This causes a lot of stress and anger in our marriage, because even though it is just a dog, it is such a CONSTANT and PERSISTENT annoyance!
I am trying to do the right thing, but I'm not sure what that is!
If you say get a trainer, how do I deal with the fact that my husband does not agree there is even a problem! He thinks the dog is great.
I am esp. interested in answers from people who understand that a dog is not a human, and that dogs must be trained!
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Dogs and children need trained. While children should not be trained like dogs and visa versa both need to be trained on how to behave. I'm always amazed to hear people actually brag that their dog has failed obedience class. To me the dog hasn't failed but the owner has failed the dog. An untrained dog doesn't get to have a life. They usually are not taken on walks, they're locked up away from visitors, and they are not welcome anywhere. Training does not make a dog a robot just like school doesn't make Little Johnny a robot. But than you know these things. What you might want to do is start taking this dog to a training class so that you can gain control of it. Realize that your husband will not be able to make the dog behave but the dog will learn to listen to you and be happy for it. Your husband might even become jealous on how well you and the dog begin to interact and may want to be a part of the game also. I wonder, Is your husband properly trained in something? Does it make him a robot?
Want to Learn How to Train a Dog? Simple But Important Dog Training Techniques
- So he basically thinks aggressive dogs are fun?
A dog with no aggression is a better dog and more fun b/c you can trust the dog.
This dog if his (also yours b/c as a family it is both your dog) is dangerous. If your dog some how gets away at bites someone he can be put to sleep and you both can be sued a lot of money. - If there's no way to convince him to go to a trainers, maybe you could try training it yourself. Surely you must have some time when he's not home and you could have secret training sessions. Hopefully when your husband sees how much the dog's behavior has improved--and that the dog is still fun-- he'll change his mind.
- my husband is the same way but he only treats them like babies when they are calm and he trains them. our dogs are i guess you could say spoiled but disciplined. id say and i say it with no disrespect get a dog trainer and possibley a marriage counselor, since it is causing a strain on your marriage. good luck ill ask my husband how he manages this with our dogs. he's always trained his own since he was 7 years old.
- training is important but it is also important for the dog to be happy and you shouldn't be aggravated because of the dog if your husband and the dog are happy let them be a dog is a mans best friend my dogs always come first
- Hi GIRL XXX,
You made a very good point about the fact that there is a lot of stress and anger in your marriage. The dog's behaviour is not the issue - it's the fact the your family is not a cohesive unit - even children feel secure with boundaries provided they are given with love. It sounds to me like your husband is deliberately allowing the dog's uninhibited behaviour quite possibly because he feels inhibited/restricted in part(s) of his own life or even sees this as an attempt to control him.
The method I've used (successfully for myself) is to ask questions followed by other questions. eg: Do you feel that the aggressive behaviour by the dog is acceptable? (if yes) Just so that I understand it - why is this behaviour important to you? Is it possible that he could attack and injure someone - say a child - and how would you feel?
1. Ask your husband if he is saying that all trained dogs are 'robots' and not 'fun'.
2. Do you have examples of friends' dogs that are trained and 'fun'. (I hope so)
3. Ask him if he recognizes that YOU believe there is a problem. If he agrees to that ask him to point out what it is that YOU think are the problems. Make sure that you have a list of your own.(including things like liability claims if the dog attacks and causes injury).
4. Ask him if he had a child, would he allow it unfetted behaviour. Regardless of the answer ask why that is important to him.
5. Ask him if he realizes that this IS causing stress in the marriage. If he doesn't, it's time to point it out.
6. If he does realize it, ask him how things are going to improve (this won't happen by accident)
If he can't acknowledge some of these points then you have a problem and a decision to make. Remember this is a people problem not a dog problem.
If his position does change then you can look at dog training sources like:
http://www.find111.com/dog-training - Invite your husband to the park with you and the dog. Have him take the leash and have him experience first hand the aggressive behavior towards other dogs/people. You should see a trainer and have him attend class with you. He does all those things because he doesn't know any better.
Training a dog is not about making it a "robot" it's about teaching your dog to respect you and to have manners. Does making a child go to school make them a robot? No, it helps them socialize and provides them mental stimulation. It's the same with dogs. - Well at least you have a clear picture that this is NOT the man for you to have children with!!!
If he can not adequately raise a dog, and you two have such different views on how a dog should be raised, this guy should not be the father of your kids.
This is NOT just a dog issue, its a Relationship issue.
You are right, its a dog, it needs to be treated like a dog. It needs to be trained, it needs to obey, and a dog that has aggression issues towards people should be euthanized. There is NO excuse for that.
If it were me, one day while hubby was at work the dog would be taken for a one way trip to the vet.
You can tell hubby the dog got loose and disappeared.
It will cause much less friction in your relationship for this dog to just disappear then for you to have to deal with this aggressive dog and your unreasonable husband.
I would deal with the dog issue first, husband issue after that. Neither one is a keeper in my opinion. - You understand dogs much better than your husband, and I wish I had better advice to give you but it is really hard to change someone that doesn't want to change. One thing you could do is make a list of everything you think he's doing wrong and then offer a suggestion on how to fix it. Try to make him understand that he needs to be a pack leader and most dogs are happier being followers and being told what to do.
That would really annoy me too!! - What's your question? :) lol
I've seen that same scenario reversed. Wife has a dog, treats it better than her husband and her children. (Her hubby has been sleeping on the couch downstairs for the last 4 yrs b/c the dog sleeps with wife in the master bedroom). Basically...he tried to take the matter into his own hands...training and exercising the dog...but eventually gave up b/c the wife didnt go along with the training.
I'm not sure what to tell you...this would be up to your husband and you. If you cant find some middle ground....then you're probably stuck with this. Unless you get rid of your husband or the dog - I think you should show him a well trained dog is a fun dog. For example, after all of the obedience training my youngest lab and I have been doing - we've also be doing DockDogs - it's nice that he's so well behaved. He stays focused and has fun at the same time.
We also do Rally Obedience and that is a lot of fun too - but the dog has to be trained to do it. Take him to a local show - visit akc.org and look for AKC events.
It's nice to go all kinds of places and I don't have to worry if my dog will behave or not.
It's a shame that your husband doesn't agree on training - I almost don't think that he understands dog training. Take him to a local obedience club and let him observe - he'll see the dogs aren't robots. - I do have to wonder what you saw in a man who refuses to train his dog a few commands.
Do understand that any kids you have...don't have any with him. He won't be doing any discipline, and you'll be doing all the work.
The ONLY thing you can do is both of you take this dog to obedience training. - come on... honey. r u just gonna let a man run ur life or r u gonna take on some authority. if he wants to be that way..!. then confront him and say its me or the dog. wither i go or the dog gets trained or goes. refuse to do things with him. refuse sex for a couple nights!.!.! i wont let him run u like that. well i cant say that but u have just as much say in what goes on in ur house as he does.thx...
- Hire a trainer. Or better yet, hire a good behaviorist. Have the behaviorist talk some sense into your husband and tell him all the problems associated with having an untrained, aggressive dog. For pete's sake, the dog is a liability and could be put down if it bites a person!
If he won't listen to the behaviorist, seek out a marriage counselor since this is really more of a problem with your husband than your dog. Your husband is in denial if he doesn't see that the dog's aggression is a problem.Add:
IMO you need to treat this as a PROBLEM your husband has. Just as if it were a drinking problem, a drug problem, or a gambling problem -- your husband has an AGGRESSIVE DOG that he refuses to acknowledge or do anything about. You have to get him to realize that it IS a problem that will have consequences, and not only the possible future consequences such as other dogs being attacked, people being bitten, and his dog being put down, but also the IMMEDIATE consequence which is the strain it's putting on your relationship. Are you not more important to him than the dog??? - First, let me start by telling you that I despise it when people anthropomorphize any animals. Animals are not people and to say otherwise is in fact arrogant. We must respect animals for what they are and meet their individual needs, not try to meet our selfish gratification by turning "Fluffy" into a "baby"... lol, I digress...
I want to say this gently because I first want you balanced-please, know something, no matter how annoying your husband's behavior is, ultimately YOU have control over how it affects you. Now, knowing dog behavior, you know that you being imbalanced will lead to an imbalance within the pack structure. You have to start off with finding a healthy mindset, in spite of how obnoxious it all is.
As far as training goes, you do have a few options. First, you can try to sneak in a few minutes of training off and on during the day when your husband isn't around. Seriously, it's like my mother (who has trained dogs for over 25 years and received an OTCH, among numerous other titles and now is teaching obedience classes...) has always said-even 5 minutes a day can make a big difference. Seriously, find some sort of bait that is very enticing-chicken cooked with a little garlic powder, cheese, beef heart or liver, Charlie Bears, etc-whatever you find your dog responds to, use it to teach basic manners and commands.
Furthermore, maybe ask your husband if he himself is a "robot". Tell him that during his childhood he had "training" on basic, proper behavior-to be honest, courteous, hard working, etc-all traits that people need to be productive members of society. Likewise, dogs NEED certain training to have desirable traits to be healthy, yet very individual pack members. If anything, tell your husband what he is doing is not showing your dog love, but it's cruel. The lack of structure is making the dog potentially dangerous, which could in fact lead to someone calling animal control, which could lead to the dog being euthanized. Furthermore, the dog does not enjoy nor does it care about the constant petting, baby talk or anything else. Dogs don't get the same gratification we do from it. All it's doing is reinforcing bad behavior and, not to be harsh, feeding your husband's ego.
Tell your husband that if he truly LOVES his dog, the dog, to be a happy healthy dog, NEEDS proper pack structure and proper leadership from your husband. It won't make the dog any less who he is, it will actually make him a BETTER version of himself.
Good luck!!! This is always a HARD fight because people latch on for dear life to the notion that Fluffy is somehow as human as they are. *sigh*
add: Do you think it's possible somehow, somewhere along the way your husband was taught that "macho", "mean" things equate masculinity? Seriously? It seems that men who are insecure within themself and about their own masculinity seek out "mean" dogs and other things like violent sports to prove themself. Is there something lacking, be it in the marriage or in his childhood? Sorry to sound like Dr Phil, but you never know... - Who shoved a stick up your ***? A dog that is meant as just an obedient pet should be trained. If your husband sees the dog as a part of the family, then it is FINE and PERFECTLY NORMAL for him to baby-talk to it and pet his own damn dog.
If the aggression is constant and persistent then yea, look into a trainer. If the dog bites someone and/or attacks another dog, there is a chance animal control will get involved to take away and put the dog to sleep. Tell your husband this; it'll make him think twice.
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